You Know You're Old When...

- Everything hurts, and what doesn't hurt, doesn't work anyway.

- The gleam in your eyes is from the sun hitting your bifocals.

- You feel like you really hung one one the night before, and you were in bed asleep by eight.

- You get winded playing chess.

- Your children begin to look middle-aged.

- You join a health club and don't go.

- You begin to outlive enthusiasm.

- Your mind makes contracts your body can't meet.

- You know all the answers, but nobody asks the questions.

- You look forward to a dull evening.

- Your favorite part of the newspaper is "25 years ago today!"

- You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going.

- Your knees buckle and your belt won't.

- You're 17 around the neck and 42 around the waist.

- You stop looking forward to your next birthday.

- Dialing long distance wears you out.