Funny Bathroom Signs

Grandma's Nerves of Steel

Check out this crazy accident caused by Grandma...

White Wedding vs. Mexican Wedding

WHITES: Send out invitations.
MEXICANS: Send out maps.

WHITES: Receive their invitations 3 months in advance.
MEXICANS: Find out about the wedding 1 week before.

WHITES: Have seven BridesMaids.
MEXICANS: Have seven Padrinos.

WHITES: RSVP their invitation.
MEXICANS: Show up with three car loads.

WHITES: Go to the wedding AND the reception.
MEXICANS: Just go to the reception.

WHITES: Have elegant food.
MEXICANS: Have arroz, frijoles and birria.

WHITES: Order the cake from a bakery.
MEXICANS: Have their cake done by la senora down the street.

WHITES: Eat the food and cake.
MEXICANS: Eat the food and cake....... AND take some home para manana

WHITES: At the reception, they drink wine
MEXICANS: At the reception, they drink Coors, Budweiser. Bud Light Bud Ice, Corona , Tecate, Pacifico, Casadores, Patron, Presidente, Jose Cuervo Gusano's, Reposado, ...

WHITES: Relatives get drunk and pass out.
MEXICANS: Get drunk, shed a few tears and start singing to Vicente Fernandez songs, fight ... then pass out.

WHITES: Dance at the party ... YEAH RIGHT!!!
MEXICANS: Dance at the party to Nortenas, Rancheras, Reggaeton, Rap, Old school, Oldies, House ...

WHITES: Party ends at midnight.
MEXICANS: Party ends when the COPS show up.

WHITES: Wake up the next morning NOT WANTING another beer.
MEXICANS: Wake up the next morning DRINKING another beer.

Thank You!

I just want to thank all of you for your educational e-mails over the past year.

Thanks to you, I no longer open a public bathroom door without using a paper towel.

I can't use the remote in a hotel room because I don't know what the last person was doing while flipping through the adult movie channels.

There are 33 different types of bacteria found on a slice of lemon in your water at a restaurant.

I can't sit down on the hotel bedspread because I can only imagine what has happened on it since it was last washed.

I have trouble shaking hands with someone who has been driving because the number one pastime while driving alone is picking their nose. (Although cell phone usage may be taking the number one spot)

Eating a Little Debbie sends me on a guilt trip because I can only imagine how many gallons of Trans-fats I have consumed over the years.

I can't touch any woman's purse for fear she has placed it on the floor of a public bathroom.

I must send my special thanks to whoever sent me the one about poop in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet sponge with every envelope that needs sealing.

Also, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.

I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.

I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.

I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.

I no longer can buy gasoline without taking someone along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm pumping gas.

I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put 'Under God' on their cans.

I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.

And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face...disfiguring me for life.

I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.

I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our American troops.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore and Uzbekistan ...

I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe.

Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my butt.

And thanks to your great advice, I can't ever pick up $5.00 dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.

I can no longer drive my car because I can't buy gas from certain gas companies!

If you don't send this in an e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 PM this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician...

A German scientist from Argentina, after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain activity read their e-mail with their hand on the mouse.

Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.

Trimming the Hedge

Spring has Sprung!

MMmmm. Mushrooms.

Nature's Porn

Queen Saves Lives

Parking lot cam of guy singing along with Queen.

The Three Stooges

Barack Obama, John McCain, Hillary Clinton as the Three Stooges:

Funny Condom Commercial

Pointless

Walrus Dance

You've seen dogs and cats dance, now watch a walrus do it.

Food Court Musical

It Looks Awfully Like...

This little animal is called the Naked Mole-Rat and is from Africa. What do you think it looks like?

A Little Girl and Her Teacher

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.

The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.

The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.

Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.

The little girl said, “When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah.”

The teacher asked, “What if Jonah went to hell?”

The little girl replied, “Then you ask him.”

William Shatner performing Rocket Man

An oldie by goodie:

Cock

At the Asian Grocery Store you can find Cock:

Cock-flavored soup...yummm.

Bad Parenting