TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
FR: MANAGEMENT
RE: SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING
In order to assure the highest levels of quality work and productivity from employees, it will be our policy to keep all employees well trained through our program of SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (S.H.I.T.). We are trying to give employees more S.H.I.T. than anyone else.
If you feel that you do not receive your share of S.H.I.T. on the job, please see your manager. You will be immediately placed at the top of the S.H.I.T. list, and our managers are especially skilled at seeing that you get all the S.H.I.T. you can handle.
Employees who don't take their S.H.I.T. will be placed in DEPARTMENTAL EMPLOYEE EVALUATION PROGRAMS (D.E.E.P. S.H.I.T.). Those who fail to take D.E.E.P. S.H.I.T. seriously will have to go to EMPLOYEE ATTITUDE TRAINING (E.A.T. S.H.I.T.). Since our managers took S.H.I.T. before they were promoted, they don't have to do S.H.I.T. anymore, and are all full of S.H.I.T. already.
If you are full of S.H.I.T., you may be interested in a job training others. We can add your name to our BASIC UNDERSTANDING LECTURE LIST (B.U.L.L. S.H.I.T.). Those who are full of B.U.L.L. S.H.I.T. will get the S.H.I.T. jobs, and can apply for promotion to DIRECTOR OF INTENSITY PROGRAMMING (D.I.P. S.H.I.T.).
If you have further questions, please direct them to our HEAD OF TRAINING, SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (H.O.T. S.H.I.T.).
Thank you,
BOSS IN GENERAL
SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING
(B.I.G. S.H.I.T.)
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Special High Intensity Training
Monday, July 21, 2008
mpg
A recent study conducted by Harvard University found that the average American walks about 900 miles a year.
Another study by the American Medical Association found that Americans drink, on average, 22 gallons of alcohol a year.
This means, on average, Americans get about 41 miles to the gallon.
Friday, July 18, 2008
Monday, July 14, 2008
One Sunny Day in 2009
One sunny day in 2009 an old man approached the White House from across Pennsylvania Avenue, where he'd been sitting on a park bench.
He spoke to the U.S. Marine standing guard and said, "I would like to go in and meet with President Bush."
The Marine looked at the man and said, "Sir, Mr. Bush is no longer president and no longer resides here."
The old man said, "Okay" and walked away.
The following day, the same man approached the White House and said to the same Marine, "I would like to go in and meet with President Bush."
The Marine again told the man, "Sir, as I said yesterday, Mr. Bush is no longer president and no longer resides here."
The man thanked him and, again, just walked away.
The third day, the same man approached the White House and spoke to the very same U.S. Marine, saying "I would like to go in and meet with President Bush."
The Marine, understandably agitated at this point, looked at the man and said,
"Sir, this is the third day in a row you have been here asking to speak to Mr. Bush.
I've told you already that Mr. Bush is no longer the president and no longer resides here. Don't you understand?"
The old man looked at the Marine and said, "Oh, I understand. I just love hearing it."
The Marine snapped to attention, saluted, and said, "See you tomorrow."
Saturday, July 12, 2008
Sexual Q&A
Q: What's the difference between a cricketer and a condom?
A: The cricketer drops the catch, and the condom catches the drop
Q: What is the difference between riding a bicycle and riding a woman?
A: To ride a bicycle you fix your ass and move your legs. To ride a woman you fix your legs and move your ass
Q: What three things are common between the sun and a woman's underwear?
A: Both are hot, both look better while going down and both disappear at night...
Q: Why do men ask for a woman's hand in marriage?
A: Because they are tired of using their own
Q: What's common between men and video?
A: Both go backward... forward...backward...forward...stop and eject
Q: What is the closest thing similar to a woman's period?
A: Your salary, it comes once a month lasts about 5-7 days and if it doesn't come you are in big trouble
Q: What are the 7 qualities to be a perfect woman?
A: She has to be Beautiful, Responsible, Energetic, Adorable, Sweet, Truthful Self-Organised In short, she must have good B.R.E.A.S.T.S
Q: Who is a gynecologist?
A: He is the only fool on the earth who looks for problems in a place where most people find pleasure!
Thursday, July 10, 2008
21 Signs You Are Having A Bad Day
1) your new diet doesn't seem to be working
2) you had trouble getting out of bed 
3) you washed your hair and couldn't do a thing with it 
4) you feel like you have a hangover and you weren't even drinking last night 
5) you woke up in a strange place 
6) you pulled a muscle when you tried to exercise 
7) your new hat looked better on you at the store 
8) your old hat doesn't seem quite right either 
9) the dry cleaners shrunk your favorite outfit 
10) you keep losing things 
11) you have a stiff neck 
12) you feel like you're in the wrong place at the wrong time 
13) the boss chewed you out at work 
14) you got caught in the rain at lunchtime 
15) the lunch you had didn't seem to agree with you 
16) you feel trapped 
17) traffic on the way home was brutal 
18) uninvited guests showed up at dinnertime 
19) dinner left you feeling a bit queasy 
20) you think you're coming down with the flu 
21) you're alone in the house at night and you hear a noise in the basement 
Sunday, July 6, 2008
Friday, July 4, 2008
Thursday, July 3, 2008
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
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